


John Sheppard and the Legend of the Turkey Baster

by mckays_girl



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Adult Themes, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-07
Updated: 2006-06-07
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9984179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckays_girl/pseuds/mckays_girl
Summary: "I don't need to check you for stuffing, do I Colonel?" Carson teased.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you try to chat with your beta on the phone while your husband is in the room. Many thanks to my beta lishel_fracrium! All mistakes are mine.

"I'm getting some interesting energy readings over here," Rodney indicated as he wandered down the trail.  
  
John reached his arm back to stop the scientist from continuing. "Hold up Rodney, I think I heard something."  
  
"What is it, Colonel?" he inquired.  
  
"Shhh!" Sheppard held one finger to his lips as his free hand gripped his P-90 tighter. Teyla and Ronon moved silently behind them. He signaled for them to fan out. "Stay here McKay." Cautiously, he moved further into the dense forest.  
  
"Do you really think that's such a good idea Colonel?"  
  
There was a thwack, then a thud. Rodney rushed forward, looking for the soldier. "Sheppard," he hissed. Then he tried his radio. "Colonel Sheppard? Teyla? Ronon?" he called in a panicked voice. Teyla and Ronon appeared from the trees. Rodney sighed in relief for a moment. "John?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"You mean he's not with you?" Ronon grilled him.  
  
"Oh shit," Rodney muttered.  
  
"I think it's best if we begin searching for him," Teyla suggested.  
  
"Ya think?" Rodney rolled his eyes.  
  
After a few minutes, Ronon was able to pick up a trail. They followed it until they came upon a small village. The threesome peered into the clearing to see the natives gathered around a large fire. Above the fire was one Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, naked, tied to a spit, trussed up like a turkey, apple stuffed into his mouth. The natives were spooning liquid over him as he spun round and round.  
  
Ronon bolted ahead and fired a few warning shots. "Let him go," he growled. McKay and Teyla joined him a moment later. The natives took one look and fled.  
  
Rodney turned around and grinned at John. "Wow, you look really hot like that," he informed the other man while removing the fruit.  
  
"Of course I'm hot you idiot; I'm over an open flame! Now get me down from here!" John seemed really angry.  
  
"Oh, right, okay." Rodney fumbled with the ropes as Ronon and Teyla retrieved a bucket of water to douse the fire. They got John untied and safely to the ground. After getting dressed, he stretched his legs and neck warily. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll be alright," John acknowledged, blushing slightly and avoiding Ronon and Teyla's stares. "Let's head back to the gate."  
  
Rodney stayed close by the entire time, watching for any indication that John might be wounded. As they stopped to check the gate area for more natives, he felt warm breath on his neck. Rodney was sniffing him. John gave him a strange look. "You smell good," the scientist told him. He continued after John's eyes narrowed. "Well, I haven't eaten in almost 5 hours and I'm on the verge of a hypoglycemic attack and you smell like food."  
  
John shoved him away and started dialing the gate. They entered the wormhole and were met by a surprised Elizabeth on the other side.  
  
"You guys are back early." She looked concerned.  
  
"We ran into a snag," John explained.  
  
"A snag?" Her eyebrow arched questioningly.  
  
"John was captured by the natives and we had to rescue him," Teyla clarified.  
  
"Is everyone alright?"  
  
"They tried to eat him," Rodney blurted out.  
  
Elizabeth's eyes widened for a moment before she regained her composure. "Let's get you all down to Dr. Beckett and then you can tell me the whole story."  
  
As they were walking into the infirmary, Ronon leaned in and sniffed at Sheppard. "McKay, you're right, he does smell good."  
  
Rodney grabbed John by the arm and pulled him away. "Hey," he said vehemently, "get your own turkey. This one's mine!"  
  
John looked at him incredulously. "I resent that!"  
  
"Now boys, what seems to be the problem?" Carson interrupted.  
  
The four of them tried to explain what happened, leaving out the naked part, thankfully for John. "I think I may have set off one of their hunting traps," John extrapolated. "Next thing I knew I was spinning around like a carnival ride."  
  
"I thought you liked Ferris wheels John," Rodney joked, elbowing him in the ribs.  
  
"Not when I am one," John retorted indignantly.  
  
"Are you hurt?" the doctor asked, checking John for injuries.  
  
"I don't think so," John replied, "I'm just a little sore from being tied up like that."  
  
"I don't need to check you for stuffing, do I Colonel?" Carson teased, alluding to Rodney's earlier argument with Ronon. Teyla and Elizabeth barely stifled their giggles.  
  
John shot him a dirty look. "Are we done here?"  
  
"You're free to go, Colonel."  
  
"Fine," John grabbed his jacket and glared at everyone. "I'll be in my room if anyone needs me." And with that he stormed off. As the infirmary door slid closed, the room erupted into laughter.  
  
"You know, we probably shouldn't be laughing," Rodney said, wiping a tear from his eye. "He could have seriously been hurt. Plus, he's really pissed about the teasing." The others looked down at their feet, apologetically. "I'm going to go see if he's alright."  
  
***  
  
John mushed his face into his pillow. He was not sulking, really he wasn't. There was a soft knock at the door. "Go away," he said, his voice muffled by the fabric.  
  
"You know I can open it from out here, so why don't you just let me in." It was Rodney.  
  
"Fine," he mumbled and thought the door open.  
  
McKay crossed the room and sat on the bed. One hand rubbed John's back absently as he spoke. "We shouldn't have teased you and I'm sorry . . . really."  
  
John smiled into the pillow. He rolled onto his back, mischief gleaming in his eyes. "So, make it up to me."  
  
Rodney grinned back at him. "I think I can handle that," he said, straddling John's hips. Pressing kisses into John's chin, he slowly worked his way down the soldier's neck. John curled up slightly as Rodney stripped off his shirt, gaining access to his chest and stomach.  
  
The onslaught of kisses continued across his collarbone, down his chest and finally reaching his navel. Rodney lifted his head and reached for the button of John's BDUs. He quickly unbuttoned and unzipped the pants, pulling them down to John's ankles along with his boxers. Breathing deeply, Rodney nosed his way through soft hair, working his way to the hard shaft. He mouthed the length of John's dick, alternating between lips and tongue. He heard John suck in a breath as he took the head in his mouth, sucking gently.  
  
"Rodney," John moaned as he was taken in deeper. John rocked his hips to the rhythm of the other man's mouth, sighing with pleasure when he felt Rodney's tongue tease his slit. They both increased their pace, John bucking wildly. "Oh, god . . . Rodney . . . I'm gonna . . ." And he did, coming in long spurts down Rodney's throat. The scientist swallowed him greedily.  
  
Rodney slowly slid his lips off John's softening cock and laid his head on his lover's stomach. He listened as John's stomach grumbled for food. "Hungry?"  
  
"A little."  
  
"I hear they're serving turkey sandwiches for lunch." He started to laugh and was promptly smacked with a pillow.

  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=7385>  



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